It wasn’t fast you know, the way you loved me.
It’s was slow and calm. Very romantic. Very gentle. Something I’d never experienced before. It was so ambrosial and charming.
But shortly after we decided to go deeper
I started seeing things that I didn’t notice before
That hint of dominance that always lingered in your voice, the snide comments you made on little things I did. Your body language. You seemed to get bigger when you spoke.
The night you choked me a little to hard is when it clicked. You wanted to have the control and somewhere inside I wanted to let you, maybe because I was being a “good girlfriend” but another part wanted to run. Far.
I’m good at that. Running.
The red flags were going up left and right but they didn’t look all that red to me through the ruby lense of lust that I saw you through.
You ostracized me in deep conversations. And unless we were in the bedroom. There. In the bed. That’s where I was the queen and it felt great, I felt so in charge and you wanted to please me but soon I began to fear that would also change.
I could feel myself mentally drawing back from you. I was putting my shoes on but you would never know until I was gone.
Your words are constricting. You choke me with them. You belittle me whenever you get the chance.
It’s like I can feel you choking me and I can’t breathe to get the words out that it hurts but then you look at me and you give me those puppy eyes and those sweet kisses in the crook of my collar bone and I melt in your arms completely forgetting that seconds ago you killed a few brain cells.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
You think that you can just treat me how you want. A play thing? You say you’re falling in love with me but those are just words. And I was taught better, I grew up around a man just like you. So affectionate until something doesn’t go his your way, then the monster comes out.
He’s not that scary, the monster, no he looks and sounds and feels just like you but his eyes tell something different there’s a hunger in his eyes. And the scary part is that it’s me he wants to hunt, to kill, to punish.
So you ask me, “Do you love me?”
I don’t fall in love with monsters…only the men in inside them.